Chicken Cannon

You know, i was thinking about something. Calling a black guy coloured is politically incorrect. Black is not a colour, it’s a shade. And also, white people like to call other races people of colour… so what does that mean? that those white people are colourless? Like a freaking ghost, or something.

Yeah, a wise crack, that’s not what i am. I am NOT a part of someone’s body feature that is made from two merging bunch of fats over someone’s butthole, and those cracks are not even smart. But that could be why the word ’smart ass’ came about. If there are ‘wise cracks’, there are bound to be ’smart asses’, because only an ass can produce crack, and get caught for making it. You know that selling crack on the streets is illegeal? i hope so.

What is the main difference between a democrate and a republican? Democrates blow, Republicans suck. You know, i wonder how did that phrase “i wouldn’t do it for a million bucks” came about. For one thing, for a million bucks, i would do almost anything. Give another man a blow job? Sure, no problem, one million bucks for blowing a fan at a guy’s little brother is a very easy job.

You know, at one time, i thought i saw turtles swimming in the fountain at my campus. But when i got there two days later, the turtles were gone, replaced by rocks…. maybe those things finally ground to a halt and fosselized.

I just bought a new game for my ps2, guitar hero. I thought it was something like the arcade guitar freaks, but nooo…. the arcade one has nice songs, and this one has songs that i didn’t even know existed. What’s even better? This freaking guitar has five freaking buttons…. dude, with the way i have to hold the guitar, i only have FOUR fingers for fret pressing…. okay, maybe not the best way for me to practice for the arcade version, but good enough.

i don’t have much to talk about now…. i’m dead bored…. argh…. BOREDOM….. i can’t write all day, so don’t try to talk to me about it…. sheit…..

Highly Dangerous Flying Poultry and laundry from Hell are some things that interrupt the peaceful serenity of this place….. sure…

Grievious

Ah, here it comes, the news flash. Right, i’ve restarted some original fics, but i think they won’t go far. Restarted planning for my favourite fic which i lost years back, my dragon fic. i’ve also decided to start up my own Valkyrie profile fic…. i’ll write the ideas down, so in case i remember to write them, i won’t need to waste time on brainstorming.

Freebie (spoilers abound)

What’s up? Long time no blog…. er… whatever. Anyway, here’s the low-down on what’s happening. By some strange sort of magical force, be it the smell of fries skinny dipping in a oil bath filled with trans-fat, which is highly toxic to the body but no one cares cuz it makes fries at burger joints taste dee-lii-cious.

Anyway, i ended up in the counsellor’s office, not really but really close by, and was talking to me councellor and i was asking about what were the requirements on getting a philosophy major, and here it is…. 70% on all subjects, more than sixty but less than 90 credits…. question! WHAT THE F*#K??!! It’s freaking philosophy! For crying out loud. It isn’t nuclear physics, or rocket science, and nerds, stop telling me that those are simple. I can’t tell the difference between tofu and bean curd. As if chinese restraunts are any different. Order butter prawns and you get oat prawns, order oat prawns and you get…. oat prawns….. You just HAVE to wonder, if there are any butter prawns at ALL?!

Anyway, so i decided, that in all of my sanity left in pieces, i had to get into psychology major…. w.t.f. It’s like the end of the world or something. Sure, let ragnarok reign free while my soul gets dragged down into niflehiem…. duh…. maybe musphell is a better place…. nah…. let’ go diving in the river styx and see if that creaky old boatman is a better swimmer than i am…. yeah right. Plead Skuld to just show me my fate, maybe i can prepare for it…. sheesh, whatever.

Just finished playing Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth… four words to describe such a game…. WAY TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!! you know, i never really did play playstation one…. while people were getting blisters on those slick white controllers built for normal human hands, i had my grimy little paws on the first ever controller type to have vibration function, you guessed it right, boys and girls, it is the incredible, the super, the magnificient, the stupendous (is that even a word?!) N64!!! Like hell it is. Yeah, their controller looks like it was made for people with three arms. Wait, guys have a third arm, but i won’t go there in this…. some things are better left hinted but not said. Get my drift? So my N64 was stuck with me till its very last sputter of life, actually i think it’s still alive in its wooden grave of my mother’s drawer, under all of that suffocating, toxicating and nauseating perfume…

So i never played the first Valkyrie profile, and i never knew Hrist, the first of the three Valkyrie sisters, who is SUPPOSE to be Urd, one of the three Norns (not Norms, Norns) of Norse legends. Urd is an old hag and guardian of the past, wise but cranky, as expected of the aged. But in Valkyrie profile, when they showed Hrist’s (suppose to be Urd) picture, HOT DAMN!! MAMA, SHE IS ONE SMOKING HOT BABE!!! But of course, hot babes come with a price, and this one had the price tag of a million dollars. She’s a freaking goddess, one, and two, she has one hell of a personality, she is fierce and unrelenting, like a dominatrix, and her loyalty to the great All-Father, Odin, runs extremely deep, like she has a daddy complex or something. Well, as the stories goes, all three sisters, who are both the guardians of fate and Valkyries (though they aren’t really, don’t mind me, i am apparently quite obsessive compulsive, provened by a recent test i did…. sheesh), share the same body, with three different psyches… odd, eh? Ah, but here’s the twist. The youngest sister, Silmeria (Skuld, guardian of the future, i love her name), was banished from Asgard (land of the Gods and pixy fairies…. no just the Gods and Santa Claus, because he looks like he can hold his liquor, so the Norse Gods love him because they in turn love booze), and was imprisoned in the body of a mortal princess, Alicia, whom i might add is EXTREMELY CUTE!!! EEEE!!! KAWAII!!!!!…. okay, i’m losing it. But yeah, she is really cute, and her uniform? DAMN! It just brings out her curves in the right all so innocent ways…. hey, i’m no lolicon-fetish (phedofile, er… don’t know how to spell that), i just think she looks so cute, i just want to eat her… er, hug is enough, actually. Silmeria will have her story shown in the next one, Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria (typical), and get this, this is actually the prequel to the first two games (the psp version , Lenneth, has no number, and i’ll explain in a bit, if i can remember). Not sure yet, cuz i haven’t played it yet, Silmeria in Alicia (Alicia is still conscious, and i think she enjoys having Silmeria in her, cuz they seem to talk alot to each other through thoughts…) was captured by the great vampire lord (or something) Brahms, who is on the run form Hel, the queen of… Hell…. wow. Well, it is Niflehiem technically.

So in the first game, Hrist tries to rescue Silmeria, but she doesn’t really like Silmeria, for some reason, and Silmeria doesn’t really like her (they fought before, and it was really cool). Hrist fails and gives up, so much for sister bonding, huh? anyway, Alicia had been placed in a sort of crystal stasis cell, and she’s been stuck at looking that age for over a few hundred years… ah well. Now comes in Lenneth. It isn’t really Lenneth’s job to rescue Silmeria, but in the game, you just ‘bump’ into Brahm’s castle.

Lenneth, the middle sister of the three (Belidandy, or Belladandy as some spell it from Ah! my goddess. Her tale is very interesting, as she was among the extremely few Norse gods to fall in love with a mortal, which is examplified once more in the psp game. Unlike those Greek gods, who fall in love with every single one of their own little play things they call humans, Norse gods tend to prefer fights and beer to seeking pleasure through ‘other’ forms. Sounds like your average joes down at the local pub, eh?), guardian of the present, is… how to say…. also VERY EXTREMELY HOT!!! Sure, her sister has the black cool goth look to her, and she looks really cool, though her character is rather fiery, but Lenneth…. oh boy, Lenneth is like an angel… well, actually she is, in a way. Hot damn! Her beauty radiates like the sun rays, spreading warmth throughout the world, and it is also like the gleam of the moon, soft and mystifying…. ah…. she is cute and beautiful all meshed up together in a blender, forming a perfect blend of style and looks. No wonder every guy in the game seems to want to get her, well, besides some who just fear her or want to get rid of her (WHY? SHE IS SO GODDAMMINGIT HOT!!! THAT IS REASON ENOUGH TO LET HER LIVE FOREVER!!!). So Lenneth has to go down to Midgard (realm of the mortals, you fools) and collect the souls of the dead who had fallen valiantly in battle and make them become Einherjars (no no, it isn’t spelt wrong) to aid the Aesirs (just think them as a sort of political party in the realm of the Gods) in the battle against the Vanirs (again, think of them as a political party in Asgard) in the all-mighty, legendary battle, RAGNAROK!!! (i’m making it sound like a world wrestling event. And weighing at two hundred pounds, standing at seventy feet tall, it is none other than…. a seventy feet tall guy who weighs two hundred pounds, i guess) Now this is completely wrong. Ragnarok is the battle between those who side the Gods, and those who don’t, or those who side the Giants, because everyone knows (i hope they do) that gods and giants do not get along very well…. can see why, i think. Anyway, Aesirs and Vanirs were never really all that friendly to each other, but they ended in mutual agreement in the legends. Vanirs were suppose to be more magically intuned, while the Aesirs were more warrior like. The Aesirs and the Vanirs traded gods in a peace treaty, but the Vanirs were not too pleased with the trade. Sure, the Aesirs gave two of their bravest warriors, but in exchange for two extremely talented mages? I don’t think so. So anyway, the Vanirs and Aesirs banded together against the giants and mainly the undead. Everyone knows Loki (you better know him), as the trickster god who instigated Ragnarok, and it isn’t different in the game. He still does, but he sides no one but himself, which is actually correct in legend, as the giants and all others actually join Loki, not the other way round. Hel is Loki’s daughter (and Hel is the queen of the underworld, so technically…. Loki rules hell), and so is Fenrir and… what’s his name…. forgot.

Anyway, Lenneth was actually in a mortal body during her ’sleep’, while her sister Hrist, was busy burning up places and killing anyone who defied the gods like there was no tomorrow. Lenneth, by the name of Platina (sure sounds an awful lot like Platinum), was constantly abused by her poor parents, but she never complained, only working hard in hopes that all would be better (aww…. isn’t she just a saint? GOD FUCKING DAMMITALL!!! SHE’S SOOO FREAKING CUTE!!!), but her childhood friend, Lucian, warns her that her parents had already sold her to slave traders, and he ran away with her from their village. That was till they reached the meadow of weeping lillies…. lame name, sure, but be warned. This place may seem like a paradise for lovers to just frolock their way around and do whatever they want, or just have a picnic, the pollens released by the flowers in that meadow are highly toxic. Platina, already suffers a serious case of mental breakdown, gives up on life and decides to die in that field. Lucian could not persuade her otherwise, and he was stricken with grief and guilt. That was how Lenneth was awoken from her slumber, and anyway, Hrist had her wrecking little joyride brought to an abrupt halt, since Odin needed Einherjars for his war, not hacked up souls that can’t lift a sword. Hrist really enjoys torturing humans, whom she had so vividly shown to detest, unlike her two other sisters. Now Lenneth’s character can be described in one way, cold. Yes, the one who falls in love with a mortal, is a cold hearted bitch. But she’ll change. Silmeria is the warmest one…. go figure she was trapped in a body of a cute girl. So anyway, Lenneth is charged to go down to Midgard to take charge of soul farming…. cool past time, but i prefer doing what i do. As Lenneth goes shopping for souls through Wal mart, she gets to meet Lucian once more, but he looks more mature. Lucian immediately sees Platina within Lenneth, and guess what? No, he doesn’t force her onto the bed or anything, no, he actually confesses to her that she looks like Platina and that he knew it was futile to love a goddess. So Lenneth, being all curious and lovable as she is, kisses Lucian as a way to appease his lost feelings. Turns out, that made things worse as Lucian, now an Einherjar, continues to persue Lenneth, finding out from the gods themselves, though through a slip-up by a naive goddess who can’t shut up, that Lenneth was indeed Platina. He then manages to crack the seal of Lenneth’s memories as a mortal, that were sealed by Odin and Freya (…. Freya is the wife of Odin, okay?). Odin and Freya only saw the Valkyries as mere tools, and only Hrist saw no problem in that. Well, Silmeria was already exiled as she was fumed about it, and now it is Lenneth’s turn to get all riled up about this. She goes to the meadow and starts digging at the grave marker there, the only one there mind you, so she cannot miss it. There, she finds the half of the earing pair that Lucian gave her in hopes of recovering her memories. But as a security device, Odin and Freya were smart as they were devious. When Lenneth’s memories returned, it forced her soul back into wonderland and it forced Hrist to awaken…. yeah, big uh-oh. Three of Hrist’s old Einherjar, back in the first game, have reincarnated and became Lenneth’s Einherjars. Two of those three stand firm in defence of Lenneth. The third one is just not shown, but we know that the Einherjars all hate Hrist. Sure, she’s hot and all, but bitch queen of the universe? Nah, doesn’t work for me.

So let’s see, three people, two Einherjars and one mortal, plan to save Lenneth’s soul. The two Einherjars are Argrm (i think) and Mystina (Mysty, i guess), these two were never really accepted to be Einherjars by Freya and Odin, but Lenneth took them under her wing anyway, and they are very powerful characters. The human is the sick lolicon fetish freak. By the name of Lezard, this powerful necromencer has a thing for Lenneth. But he gets really freaky and goes all out to win her heart. To the point where he kills for her… sheesh, talk about obsessive. He has created the ultimate philospher’s stone, and also found out that Odin is not really a God, but a half-elf. That means, that he is more powerful than normal gods because like mortals, his power can ‘grow’. Sounds weird enough for me. Anyway, he is really crazy, and went to kidnap elves to create his crazy half elf humoculi (man-made man, but i’m sure you already knew that, RIGHT?). All that to create a suitable vessel for Lenneth, because he knew mortals cannot love a god, but what about a go between?

Lenneth hated that, and she hated how the humoculi all looked like her… ah… i see…. Anyway, so Lezard and the two Einherjar join forces with Barhms, remember that dreadful vampire lord? Yeah, he doesn’t like Hrist either, so they joined forces. Managed to kill of Hrist, (score one for mortal!) and captured the essence of the Valkyrie’s body. Remember that the three sisters share a body, till Silmeria got exiled. Earlier, they had managed to save Lenneth’s soul by using Mystina’s powers to freeze the shards of Lenneth’s exposed soul into a stasis cell, and they placed it into a humoculi body. Then, they fused the essence of the valkyrie body with the humoculi body, and Lenneth gained a new body, but she looks the same, but she is now, essentially, the new almighty creator. So she takes the fight back to Loki, who has just finished off Odin (sheesh, what a weakling), and Lenneth tries to fight, but Loki unleashes Ragnarok on the world, destroying everything. Lenneth, overcome by grief, because she can hear the souls of Midgard, unleashes her full fury and becomes the new creator. She takes over Odin, basically. She suddenly unleashes an enourmous wave of energy that rippled across the seven worlds (there are seven worlds in Norse legend), and it recreated the world. Loki was not shitting in his pants, and Lenneth dutifully finished him off. Now, one thing people should note, is that though Lenneth is now the goddess of creation, she can not re-create some things that were meant to stay dead. Things like dead gods, who were sent to Niflehiem can not come back, humans dead before ragnarok cannot come back and so on. Well, it isn’t like she wants Hrist to come back. Oh yeah, apparently people like Lezard and Brahm still lives.Of course, so does Alicia, but she’s stuck in stasis, isn’t she? So in the end, Lenneth becomes the new All-Father, or All-Mother, as some fanfic writers like to say. So she sits rather uncomfortably on Odin’s large throne. Oh, i forgot to mention, Lucina, while in Asgard, was tricked by Loki into using a forbidden mirror thingy to communicate with Lenneth, and she wasn’t really happy about that, but hey, women who can get angry once in a while are nice. Anyway, Lucian was killed by Loki and Loki used Lucian as a scapegoat for the theft of the legendary Dragon Orb, which was used by Loki to unleash the wave of Ragnarok. Of course, Loki was wham-bam slammed up the place where the sun don’t shine, so he wouldn’t be coming back any time soon. Lucian came back, if you’re wondering, and he and Lenneth embraced and kissed. Oh yeah, when Lucian was killed by Loki, Lenneth felt it and it was what caused her to go look for the earing…. Soo…. what did we learn? something, i’m sure…. i think…. must be…. er…. sure.